Our Identity – Integrating Our Many Selves

So I haven’t had a chance to journal on this site for a few weeks.  Work got the better of me over the last few weeks, and it seems like almost everything but the professional side of my life got suppressed.

I just read an article that spoke about how our identity is made up of the sum total of our many traits and values and our character. Each of us possesses within us many different selves. There is the adult part of ourselves and the childlike spirit that resides in each one of us. There is our masculine side and our feminine side. There is the hard worker in us, the artist, the parent, and the caretaker. All of these selves combined form a well-rounded, complex person. Not all of these different aspects of who we are blend easily with each other, however, and some of them may even conflict with or oppose one another. When a person's different parts clash, such as the self that is our childlike aspect and the self that is our responsible adult, we often end up compartmentalizing or suppressing one of these aspects to ease the conflict. While this may make us feel better in the short run, we would be better off finding a way for these two selves to coexist peacefully inside us. Though some of our selves may be dominant while others rarely assert themselves, attempts to suppress one or more of these different aspects can leave us feeling that our identity has been splintered.

I couldn’t agree more with what I read.  I’ve written in the past about my fascination with the human identity, and how the various facets or colors of our identity truly define who we are.  What started off as a fascination and a social interest has turned into a new venture, one that we’re immensely passionate about. 

I must admit I still struggle a little with integrating the various parts to a point where I feel completely comfortable.  While I don’t see myself suppressing any color of my identity, there are times when I pay more attention to one of the colors, resulting in a sense of longing for the other colors.  Lately, as I said, I’ve been focusing on my professional life more than anything else, and while I know deep down I haven’t lost my childlike ability to laugh at myself and at life, I haven’t done so in a while. 

At a lunch with a friend recently, he told me about how he has a practice of “scheduling his priorities”, different from prioritizing his schedule.  In his life, he looked at the various roles he played in his life, synonymous with the colors of his identity, and made sure that he scheduled time for each of the roles, so not one role took priority over the other, causing the sense of longing I mention.  I liked the idea, and completely agreed with it, but in practice, I haven’t done that over the last few weeks.

Don’t get me wrong.  While I realize that I haven’t spent time on certain aspects of my life, I’m very pleased with the areas I have focused on, and the results.  In the last month, TECHTRIBE has grown to twice it’s size, we’ve moved to our new offices in downtown San Francisco, received validation we couldn’t have dreamed possible at this stage, and the energy level and commitment from the team has been unparalleled.  And we’ve managed to achieve our goals without sacrificing or suppressing any other aspects of our individual and tribal identities.  We haven’t needed to resolve a conflict between the various colors of our identities.  And we continue to have fun.

I’m realizing that being able to successfully integrate our various selves can be as simple as accepting and embracing each one. It may also be necessary to reframe the way we see them. The immature self that we ridicule can become a valued and accepted part of us when redefined as our more playful aspect.

When our many selves blend together to form an integrated individual, we feel changed. We no longer feel pulled in multiple directions, and don’t feel like we have to deny any part of ourselves. We become a complete person - familiar and comfortable with the many selves that make up the person we are. 

And being comfortable with myself, for me personally, is a great feeling - one that I hope never to lose.